Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
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The Alchemist of Ink
He sits in a warm, gold-washed room, dark glasses hiding his eyes—
not for style, but to shield the weight he carries inside.
His shirt hangs loose, books piled around him like tired guards,
while he tries to map the human heart and all its quiet fractures.
People call him the author of pain, not out of insult,
but because he names the storms everyone else pretends aren’t there.
He dips his pen into the darker shades of feeling—
the anxious grey, the heavy silence—
and writes the words so many have never managed to say.
For the boy who barely speaks,
for the girl who hasn’t slept in days,
for the mind that spins with worry
and the sadness buried out of sight—
he builds a small refuge made of paper and words,
a place where the weight feels lighter for a moment.
Readers find him everywhere—cities, villages, distant coasts—
turning pages just to feel less alone,
to see their shadows reflected honestly.
He reminds them that brokenness isn’t a flaw we hide,
but a thread we all share in one way or another.
Behind those dark glasses, does he cry for all he’s learned?
Does he carry the thorns so he can hand out the rose?
He spills himself into every line,
turning hurt into something strangely beautiful—
the author who takes our pain and helps us breathe again.
The “author of pain”—not because he creates it,
but because he helps us survive it.
A Year of Light: Gratitude, Growth, and Guidance
Subhanallah, Alhamdulilah, Allahu Akbar!
It’s been a whole ‘nother 365 days of living, and as i mark another year of life, i am filled with immense gratitude for the gift of existence.
For those who’ve been part of my journey for a while, you may recall my last birthday’s message and end of the year post, i mentioned last year as my darkest period ever. The weight of those moments were suffocating and I struggled to find solace. But in the midst of the darkness, I made a conscious decision to try something else this year, I said I’ll try talking to God more often instead of allowing these suicidal thoughts take control. Subhanallah, the power of prayer and faith has been my anchor. I actually talked to God more often this year, and all I can say is that God is the best therapist or help we have because he is the only one that truly listens to us even when we think he isn’t. And as long as we pray to him consistently, he definitely answers our prayers.
If I’m to poetically describe my last year, I’d say “imagine navigating a tunnel with no end in sight, a never-ending expanse of darkness” that’s how last year was. I was at my lowest and it was a period I pray never to experience again. Even though it kinda shaped me and prepared me for the year to come, I pray never to experience such again.
But this year, “imagine while you’re at the darkest part of that tunnel, then you look ahead and you start to see flickers of light and as each month passes by (as you walk further), the light starts getting brighter. And suddenly you find yourself at the brightest part of the tunnel. The once dim tunnel, is now illuminated and you can now see the beauty of the journey ahead”. That is exactly how this year came.
Just as 2024 was my darkest period, I can say that 2025 has been the complete opposite of that, and for that I am completely grateful to God. And I pray that my next year would be like “stepping out of the tunnel completely to the everlasting light”.
A day after my last birthday (27th November, 2024), I left my comfort zone to unfamiliar territory. I came to Adamawa state for my NYSC. My decision to come to Adamawa has been a defining moment. It’s been therapeutic , a journey of self discovery, an epiphany, and an opportunity to grow. There’s this loneliness that comes sometimes when you leave your comfort zone to unfamiliar territory, but I never for once felt this loneliness throughout my entire service year. Probably because I was blessed to find a community that has embraced me, and I’m grateful for the mentors , colleagues, and friends who have become my support system.
So I want to specially express my heartfelt gratitude for your guidance and support to Mallam SYB, Mallam Gire, Dr Martins, Mrs Folasade, and Dr Mayowa who have all been my mentors and bosses and also helped me in many ways I can’t list out in one way or the other since coming to Adamawa. I also want to say a very big thank you to my colleagues at work, fellow corp members, and everyone I’ve met along the way. Thank you. You all have made Adamawa feel more like a home for me.
On my last birthday I got some good news that I wasn’t really expecting, but eventually shaped how the following year (2025) turned out for me. And on this birthday of mine, I guess I could say birthday presents came early as I just got another very wonderful news. And this probably would shape how my next year turns out.
Above all, I thank Almighty Allah for his boundless blessings and mercy. “FABI AYYI ALA I RABBIKUMA TUKAZZIBAN” – Which, then, of your Lord’s blessings do you both deny?
To my parents, and family who have stood by me through thick and thin, I thank you for your unwavering support and prayers. Your love and encouragement have carried me this far, and I am forever grateful. Keep praying for me.
Here’s to another year of living, learning, and growing!
Stronger through the struggles
Sometimes, I pause and look back on the journey I’ve traveled. It’s not been easy, but with every step, I’ve grown stronger. Life’s twists and turns have tested me, yet with perseverance and faith, I’ve made it through the darkest nights. I’m not naive to think the struggles are over, but I do know I’m in a better place now. Consistency, not perfection, has been my goal – consistently choosing happiness, not just acting it. I’m grateful for the progress I’ve made and the lessons learned along the way. With God by my side, I’ve navigated the storms, and though the path ahead may still be uncertain, I’m stepping forward with hope and determination.
Breaking Free
I love the calm I feel when you rest,
But your weight is crushing, and your grip so tight,
I’m suffocating under your endless fight.
You whisper worries, of all that could go wrong,
And I’m trapped in your web, where fear dwells,
And I’m drowning in my own tears,
In this dark anxious space.
But i’m done with the darkness, pain and the strain,
I’ll break free from your grasp,
Stepping into the light you’ve tried to shield away from me,
Where Peace and calm unfold.
Farewell my dearest,
But I’ll not be held captive night and day no more,
Your whispers will get to me no more,
As well as your taunts and might.
I’ll shine with a light, that’ll overcome your darkest of nights.
I love you to death my dear anxiety,
But I can’t spend the rest of my life in this darkness,
So I’m done.
Rising above the ashes: A year of epiphany.
It’s been a cold 365 days of living in anger, pain, depression, anxiety, pushing loved ones away, loneliness, OCD, low self esteem, S. A. D, among many other emotions. 2024 was not really the darkest of times for me as the previous years have seen me at my lowest. 2024 has been a year of epiphany. These circumstances don’t get to define who I am anymore, I mean I’m not the only one who thinks I’ve got a bad fu**ng life, so I quit playing the victim. Of all time I found myself drowning, I was the only one who picked myself back up, and that’s when I realized that I’m the only one who can help myself, so I had to take charge and quit playing the victim. I guess people will always hurt you, but that’s only when you give them the chance to. You can’t let anyone tell you who to be or write your narratives, you’ve got to be the author of your own life cause nobody can do that better than you. This past year was filled with days where the only thoughts on my head were suicidal, I’m glad o survived this phase and now I’m going to try something else like talking to God more often, cause I found out that he’s the only one that truly listens even when we think he isn’t. So whenever I’ve got questions, I need advice, or the suicidal thoughts starts coming back, then I’ll talk to God.
As I close the chapter on 2024, I’m reminded that although the darkness isn’t gone yet, the darkness I’ve faced has not been in vain. It’s thought me resilience, self awareness and the importance of self care. I’ve learned to acknowledge my emotions, to confront my demons, and to seek help when I need it. Most importantly, I’ve discovered that I am stronger than I thought, and that I have the power to choose how I respond to life’s challenges. I can choose to let my experiences defines me, or I can use them as fuel to drive my growth and transformation, that’s an epiphany. As I step into the new year, I’m filled with a sense of hope and renewal. I know that there’ll still be ups and downs ahead, but I’m ready to face them head-on. I’m ready to take control of my life, to chase my dreams, and to live with purpose and intention.
To anyone who may be struggling, I see you, I hear you, I believe in you and most importantly, God hears you and sees you as well. Remember that you are not alone, and that there is always hope for a brighter tomorrow. Don’t give up, even when the darkness feels like it’s never ending, keep pushing forward, even when it feels like the smallest of steps. You are stronger than you think, braver than you feel, and loved more than you know. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, define your worth. You are worthy of love, care and compassion – not just from others but from yourself. Hold on to hope, and know that better days are definitely ahead. Keep shining your light, even in the darkest of times. And always remember that you are loved, you are valued, and you are enough. You don’t know this, but God resides in you.
That’s a lie
It’s the rainy days that makes us cherish the sunshine. What am I trying to say?
Everybody falls sometimes. Just remember that that’s alright. It’s the lows in life that makes us cherish the high. And if it isn’t, I guess I’ll be fine believing a lie. When you’re alone, and you feel afraid, just remember that you’re not the only person that isn’t okay. There’s millions of us just like you and at the end of the day, we’ll all be fine. Maybe that’s a lie as well, I guess we’ll be fine believing this lie.
Pretty African Girl
Oh, pretty African girl with skin like polished ebony,
Your beauty shines bright like the African sun,
Your eyes sparkle like diamonds in the night,
And your smile is as warm as a summer breeze.
Oh, pretty African girl, with your graceful poise,
You walk with grace, like a gazelle in the wild,
Your presence commands attention wherever you go,
A vision of beauty and grace that captivates all who behold you.
Your voice, a melody that dances on the wind,
Rich with the rhythm of your ancestors,
Your laughter like music, in the stillness of the night,
A reminder of the power and resilience of your people.
Oh, pretty African girl, with your spirit so wild and free,
You are a beacon of hope and inspiration,
A symbol of strength and beauty in a world that seeks to dim your light,
But you shine brighter than ever, a radiant star in the African night.
So here’s to you, pretty African girl,
May you always walk with pride and grace,
May your beauty shine like the stars in the sky,
And may your spirit always soar high.
The power of now
How often do you find yourself worrying about what’s to come, stressing about the unknown, and anxiously awaiting the future? But if you astutely observe, we fret so much about the future, and then when we get to the future, it’s now. Life is made of nows, it’s always been about the “now”.
In our constant worry about what lies ahead, we often forget that the future eventually becomes the present. Each moment we live, from one now to the next, shapes our existence. Life, in its entirety, is a collection of these present moments — the nows — that we experience.
The beauty of existence lies in these nows. They are not merely fleeting instances but the very fabric that weaves together our journey. Each now offers us a chance to immerse ourselves fully in the present, to appreciate the subtle details of life that might otherwise pass unnoticed. It’s in these moments that we find clarity, where the past meets the future and converges into the present moment.
Embracing the now isn’t just about mindfulness; it’s a profound acknowledgment of our existence. It’s about living with intention and purpose, making the most of every opportunity that unfolds before us. Whether it’s a quiet moment of reflection, a joyous celebration, or a challenging decision, each now shapes our story and contributes to the tapestry of our lives. So, as we navigate the complexities of life, let us remember that the future we worry about is merely a collection of nows waiting to be lived. By honoring each moment, we honor ourselves and the journey we’re on. Life isn’t just about waiting for the future to arrive; it’s about embracing the nows that defines our existence.
To the one who loves her next
To the one who loves her next,
I hope you treat her kindly,
She’s softer than a psalm,
Loves very deeply and blindly,
So please don’t take advantage of her vulnerability,
I’d like to think I taped her back together,
But it’s impossible to untear a paper.
To the one who loves her next,
She prefers to stay at home,
She stays indoors all day listening to her love songs,
Not that she has a problem, it’s all in jest and fun,
Only become concerned when she switches to sad songs.
To the one who loves her next,
She has mastered the art of silence,
If there’s noise she becomes uncomfortable.
She’s articulately thoughtful,
Listen to her when she speaks even if she makes no sense.
To the one who loves her next,
On some days she might suddenly turn cold,
She’ll disappear for a while but I still can’t say where she goes,
But she will definitely return,
With no explanation as why,
But somethings are better left unknown,
She’s difficult to figure out,
Don’t try to, cause you’ll not be successful.
To the one who loves her next,
While asleep she will kiss your hands, your neck and then your lips.
To the one who loves her next,
She misses her dad,
It hurts too bad to talk about,
So she’ll just change the subject,
She bears no weight of faith,
But if you listen at night sometimes,
I think she prays.
To the one who loves her next,
You will become her home,
Sometimes you will be a palace,
And some other times a haunted shack with ghostly moans,
And if you get separated whatever be the cause,
You’ll be reminded by your grief of guilt of all of which you lost,
And you’ll masquerade as someone who is not a wreck,
As you shake to give advice to the one who loves her next,
So to the one who loves her next,
This is all I ask:
Know that you love her now,
But i loved her first,
And i will love her last.
To my next girlfriend…
To my next girlfriend
Hi, I’m Author of pain
I think you’re one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever talked to
I reiterate things when I mean them
I think you’re one of the most beautiful girls that I’ve ever talked to
I’m a writer, and a hopeless romantic
I spend most of my day in my head over analysing almost everything
I know I’m weird I’m learning to love that about myself
I got a big ass head, and I also got a big ass heart
I deal with depression
Pretty heavy sometimes that I have really bad anxiety
I rarely talk and barely have friends
But at the same time I’m a people person
I’m trying to understand how I’m such a contradiction
But maybe you’ll learn to love this in
The same way I’m learning to love myself
And on the topic of love
If we’re going to be together
I want you to understand that this relationship
Isn’t going to start in emotions
I’d like it to start as a decision
I need you to decide to love me
In the same way that someone decides to go to work everyday
I need you to understand that change is going to happen
We are going to change as people
This relationship may not end in marriage, it may not end at all
But if it ends, it’ll end in change
We’re not going to leave this the same people that we came in
I need you to be open to this change
In the same way that I need to be open to this change
I need you to be understanding because some days
I don’t know myself, so I know I’ll be hard to recognize.
Sunsets and smiles
Life is a journey. In this journey we all come across highs and lows, twists and turns and these eventually shapes us into the person we become. It’s funny how we could experience profound joy one minute and crippling sadness the next. Life’s journey often lead us through valleys of darkness, but if you eventually make it out of the valley to the peak of the mountain, you’ll be surprise the amount of light you’ll find there.
Depression, a silent companion for many. A phenomenon barely understood by few. All it does is whisper lies of unworthiness and hopelessness, but remember at the peak of the mountains, comes eternal light. When the weight of living feels heavy on your shoulders, the beauty of a sunset reminds us that even in the darkest of times, there is light. Watching the sunsets, gives a sense of peace and hope. The hope that tomorrow comes with a promise of a new day.
Love, a moment of warmth in life’s coldest paths. It is like a drug that everybody uses and the outcome depends on how you use it. Love could be the gentle touch of a friend, the unwavering support of family, or the passionate embrace of a partner. Remember, love is like a drug we all use. Abuse it and you risk losing it. Love is a reminder that we are never alone in our struggles and it also gives the strength to smile even when our hearts are heavy with sorrows.
Success and failure are two sides of the same coin, intertwined in the fabric of our very existence. Success should not be defined by the accolades, or material things but rather by the lives we touch and the positive impact we make. Likewise failure shouldn’t be seen as a dead end. But rather as a stepping stone. Embrace failure as a teacher and not as a foe and watch it fuel your determination to rise again, stronger than you ever were. Know that even losses can be victories when we learn from our failures (that’s an epiphany).
Through the highs and lows, the victories and the losses, never underestimate the power of a smile. A simple curve of the lips, has the power to brighten someone’s day and spread joy in the darkest of times. Sunsets and smiles, though simple in their beauty, hold the power to heal wounds and mend broken spirits. In the face of failure, a smile becomes a symbol of resilience, a testament to our ability to rise above adversity and try again. And in moments of success, a sunset becomes a celebration of how far we’ve come and a reminder to cherish the journey ahead.
Bitter sweet memories
I’ve become accustomed to these tears,
Even my tears now laugh at me,
Waking up with dried tears on my cheeks every morning.
The season of separation is clouding over,
Dark lonely nights have become my only companion,
Maybe I’m just comfortable being sad?
I am lost in this path,
I have no one left by my side,
Walking down this dark path,
Even my shadow has left me,
How do I scale through?
Every night, I tell myself
That I have forgotten about you,
But why do I still wake up with dried tears on my cheeks?
Why do memories about you
Make me cry?
Written in your memories,
I can still hear you sing,
We were together only but for a while,
I started loosing myself from you,
I never became yours, although I was always yours.
If we were going to separate,
Then why did God bring us together,
I tell myself that I have forgotten you,
But why do your memories still make me cry?
Shattered Hopes
Hope. The word they used in lying to us. They told us hope is a word that holds promise and light. But in reality, it’s nothing but a cruel deception that’s slowly devouring our souls. What is hope to someone who has lost everything? Hope is nothing but a lie to maintain the happiness of the fortunate, and deepen the sorrows of the afflicted. Hope is never a cure to depression, anxiety, loneliness or any other S. A. D out there. Perhaps it’s time for people to face the cold truth. The truth that happiness and sadness are meant to coexist, and the sad ones should stop striving to be happy at all costs, because even sad people can have happy moments, and that’s all that matters. When you’re in your happy moment, enjoy it while it lasts but never get too comfortable. I know i once told y’all that the cure to pain isn’t something you buy in the liquor store. Maybe I’ve been looking at the wrong stores? I was blinded by the false hope of a sunny day. It’s not the hurt that comes from being sad that causes depression, but rather the constant striving and failing to achieve happiness. I am lost in my own words, but one thing I know of is that, depression isn’t the killer. It’s the hope that kills. The hope of a sunny day, the hope of being consistently happy, the hope of becoming better, the hope that at the end, everything will be alright, the hope that makes you feel you were destined for more, for greatness, leaving us yearning for something unattainable, that’s the hope that kills.
How long before that hope kills you?
Perhaps it’s time to let go of that hope? Let the chains of hope fall away, and in its place, find peace within yourself in the acceptance of your reality.
Self Trust?
This is a powerful question which everyone must always ask themselves, and it asks us to reflect on our own trustworthiness. It is quite easy to trust in others, but what is more difficult is to trust ourselves. We all have our own flaws and weaknesses, and it can be hard to believe that we are truly worthy of trust. And often times, we all make mistakes. But you should also remember that we are only humans, and one of the qualities of humans is to make mistakes from time to time as we aren’t perfect. Just because we make mistakes does not mean that we are not trustworthy. In fact, it is often our mistakes that teaches us the most about ourselves and about trust (and if it isn’t, i guess I’ll be fine believing it does).
If we want to be trusted by others, we first need to learn to trust ourselves. This means being honest with ourselves about our strengths and weaknesses, and it means being willing to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. It also means being willing to put ourselves out there and be vulnerable, even when we are afraid of being hurt. We need to ask ourselves if we constantly act in accordance with our values and principles. If we keep our promises, follow through on commitments and act with integrity even when no one is watching. (The real you is not defined by the size of your office. The real you is defined by who you are when there’s no one watching).
It takes two to tango. Such is the case for trust as well. Trust is a two-way street. If we want to be trusted by others, we need to be willing to trust them in return. This means being open and honest with them, and it means being willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. It also means being willing to forgive them when they make mistakes. Trust is an essential part of any healthy relationship. It is the foundation on which all other relationships are built. If we want to have strong and lasting relationships, we need to learn to trust ourselves and others.
Call me anything but a failure. Poem By D.D
This is an adaptation from Author of Pain’s poem of the same title by D.D
Call me anything but a failure,
For I have tried with all my might,
I’ve stumbled, fallen, and faltered,
But I’ve never given up the fight.
I may not have the silver spoon,
Nor the gifts that others possess,
But I’ve got a heart that beats with passion,
And a will to do my best.
My journey may be full of thorns,
And my path may be riddled with strife,
But I’ll never let the world define me,
I’ll carve my own way in life.
I am a survivor, a dreamer,
A fighter, and a believer,
I am the sum of all my struggles,
And the lessons I’ve learned as a receiver.
Call me anything but a failure,
For I am more than my mistakes,
I am a phoenix rising from ashes,
A soul that perseveres and breaks.
So when the world tries to bring me down,
And my dreams seem too far away,
I’ll hold on to my faith and courage,
And rise up stronger each new day.
Call me anything but a failure,
For I am a champion in my own right,
And though my journey may be hard,
I’ll never give up without a fight.
Author Of Pain Real Poetry 